Currently Listening Feels Like Today By Rascal Flatts see related

Today has been mad crazy.  Between classes and studying and service hours and sleeping and eating....I have found little time for fun.  Granted, I am doing this to myself...keeping myself busy that is.  I figure if I am going to be sitting around alone, I might as well be working on something productive.  Today I went and helped teach some home school kids art.  That was honestly really fun.  And I even have a new craft I picked up myself.  I was also reminded of a dream I have.  One day, I am going to live out that dream.  It's on my list of things to do before I die. 

I've been listening to a lot of music right now.  Music is good.  Singing is good for the soul.  It's funny how one song can mean two separate things in your life.  Singing in the mirror is kinda like singin to an audience...with the simple fact that they can't tell you you suck! 

I did some pretty exciting news on Monday....if you want to know...you have to ask....it's that cool!!!  lol 

I also have to say something about someone who means so much to me.  This person knows who they are.  I would be absolutely lost without you.  You help me so much.  (Tears are forming in my eyes...lol) You have faith in me when I have none.  You really do know what's best for me and you still love me everytime I put my foot down and try to go the other way.  You see things in me that I never thought other people see.  When I feel un-noticed and transparent, you wash all those feelings away and make me feel so special.  I wish I could be more like you and I hope that one day I will be able to repay you even a fraction of what you have done for me.  You are truly one of my dearest and closest friends.  I love you with all of my heart. 

Current feeling: lonely, in pain, low

I have been thinking about a lot of things recently.  Where am I?  Where am I going?  Where have I been?  Who has helped me get here?  Who will help me get there?  Who was with me back then?  So much is changing.  So much is happening.  I feel like I am losing control.  And maybe that is the whole point of it all.  I am not in control, God is in control.  And I know I need to learn that.  I am having a hard time accepting that.  My life is not what I want it to be right now, and I feel like there is nothing I can do to change it.  You know, I just realized something....maybe it is a part of life or something....but does everyone in their junior year of college go through a depression?  Like a life changing, everything is changing depression?  Or maybe not a depression necessarily, but a really really low point?  Random thought.  Other random notes: my lamp is still broken...don't have a new one yet and the old one won't work b/c someone broke it even more...I am afraid that my hair dryer is going to catch on fire everytime I use it....(knock on wood or wood product that it doesn't)....I have a headache and no pain medication.....lot of things going on in my life that I can't say......I'm tired of the way I was....I want to throw caution to the wind and just be.....for one day, I don't want to follow the rules...I want to do want I want, when I want, without care for anyone else.  I am tired of living alone.  It's depressing in this little room of mine.  Life is complicated.  So much more to say, but I can't say it.  Wishing I could.

Currently Listening Breakaway By Kelly Clarkson see related

So today has been a REALLY bad day.  You know, the kind of day where from the moment you wake up...the very moment you wake up...everything goes wrong and nothing goes according to plan.  Tried to work with a projec group this morning.  Got 1.5 lesson plans done.  (This is a lot).  It's cool b/c we have 5 out of the 12 we need and everybody else only has 1.  But then other more serious group drama has torn through my day.  It completely derailed me and took up all the time I wanted to spend doing other things.  I should not have had to focus on the extra drama which took an hour and a half away from the time I was trying to use to study for my Children's lit test on Friday.  But I guess everything happens for a reason, and I got my studying done for today.  And I got my room and bathroom cleaned up.  Looks a lot better than the disaster that it was before. 

I leave you with these random thoughts...it's funny how one cd can completely explain all the emotions you are feeling in your life.  One of the great therapies in life is putting on one of those cds in the car, cranking the sound, and singing as loud as you can without caring what anybody else thinks. It's like when drunk people say alcohol makes them courageous....this makes me courageous.